From Silence to Voice: Preventing Abuse In The Frum Community
For the sake of readers, I won't describe what happened. It's too graphic. But that abuse lasted for five long, unbearable years
My Story! לא תעמוד על דם רעך
My name is Leiby. I grew up in Rockland County, the youngest of seven. On the surface, my childhood seemed okay, but I always felt like I didn’t belong.
On September 11, 2001-the day of the deadliest terrorist attack in U.S. history-I experienced my own personal terror.
There was a well-known man in the community, someone powerful and respected. I went to him for advice, feeling confused and scared. His son let me into the house. That day, I met the man-who turned out to be a monster. He abused me.
For the sake of readers, I won’t describe what happened. It’s too graphic. But that abuse lasted for five long, unbearable years.
Finally, about a month after my bar mitzvah, I came home very late one night. My mother asked where I had been. I told her everything. She broke down in tears, hugged me, and told me, “Never, ever go back to him.”
The next day, I went to one of the town’s official rabbis. He believed me and told me the same thing: “Don’t go back.” About a year later, I even went to the chief rabbi’s house. He did absolutely nothing.
Two years later, I moved to Brooklyn and enrolled in a new school. I was incredibly lucky to attend an amazing high school/yeshiva. There, I connected deeply with two incredible rabbi/teachers who supported me. They were more than educators-they were mentors who truly cared.
After I graduated, I made a decision: I would go to the police. I wanted to arrest the man who had abused me and bring him to justice. Unfortunately, he was let off. But people still believed me-and that made a difference.
Let me be clear: I’m not writing this for sympathy or empathy. That’s not why I’m telling my story.
I’m writing because something must change-urgently-in our communities.
We need to raise awareness about child abuse. We need to talk about it openly with our families, in a healthy, honest way. One of the biggest reasons victims stay silent is because they fear they won’t be believed. And sadly, they’re often right.
It breaks my heart to hear stories from other survivors-stories told in whispers, in silence, in fear. It’s easier for people to pretend abuse doesn’t exist than to face it head-on. But that silence protects predators, not children.
I’m not here to point fingers or assign blame. That’s not my purpose. I’m here to say: it’s time.
It’s time to believe our innocent victims. It’s time to talk about abuse-not in whispers, but out loud. It’s time to take a stand.
Today, I ask you to do one thing that makes a difference. Speak up. Listen. Learn. Protect.
If you’d like to contact me, please reach out through FrumNews.
23 Comments
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08/03/2025 | ט' אב התשפ"ה
MagenU.org
Is the only FRUM organization that has spent millions on their CSA Prevention program. Contact Dr Shani Verschleiser or her husband Eli Verschleiser the Chairman of OurPlaceny.orgGet them into your community
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
When my parents would not believe me, it was almost worse than the abuse. Please believe your kids.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Not just Rebbeim…Rabbis of shuls and people that daven in Shuls. Some parents send young children to shul with the father so the mother can sleep later on Shabbos. While the father is daveningr the child is on his own …not safe
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
You are a brave and tough cookie. I’m sorry what you had to go through, but your strength and perseverance is really inspiring. Keep up the good fight
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Leiby, you are awesome!!!! No more shame, no more guilt. We need to protect our children, not predators
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
You’re doing a major service for כלל ישראל. Your message needs to resonate with everyone. Even if one parent takes extra precautions to protect their kids. It will be 100% on you. You’re doing the Lord’s work.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
It’s time for the rebbes and community people to stop closing their eyes when abusers are big machers and donors!!!! Abusers KNOW they can get away with it in our community. Sadly!!!
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
People like you are the most inspiring to be able to bring up the most vulnerable places inside yourself and the most delicate and dramatic events of your life inspire me to do the same! Thank you for standing up for all of us! We need to join in your path!
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
I always believe that no child should be left alone without a responsible adult- someone who truly cares for the child. No closed-door therapy, not with a licensed professional, Rabbi, or anyone else. It’s said that the people we think are on top in this world are on the bottom in the next, and vice versa. Status means nothing. Don’t trust anyone until they give you 100% proof that they can be trusted. And even then be cautious. These are our children!!!!!!!
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
I am sorry you went through such a nightmare. You are blessed to have such an amazing mother, and some rabbis. I wish no child ever suffered/will suffer as you have. Thank you for telling your story. Praying you have the best possible life going forward.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
I think their pictures and names should be posted all over to protect others.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Thanks for being vulnerable. This abuser needs to be added to the wall of shame.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Wow I am so sorry for you I know how you feel! Because I was abused too ! May hashem help all of his children
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
How could he have been let off?! BH he got out when he did. What on G-D ‘s green earth is going on?
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Leiby you are not alone. Thank Gd I’ve seen an increase in vigilance for the last 15 years. Even the goyim are fighting for the children. Look at all the child trafficking operations being raided and Jewish organizations that are finally taking a stance. It’s getting better but way too slow. Keep sharing your story.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Unfortunately child abuse exists in our community. I am a therapist for more than a decade. I educated many leading Rabbis on the topic and the danger of it. The most scary part is, according to research over 40 percent of victims our related to the perpetrator and I have treated cases like that. For example: a aunt babysitting a nephew or an uncle a niece, or a cousin of the opposite gender is against Halacha and people don’t realize the danger.
I am not here to tell you the Halucha aspect of it, but unfortunately when I treated teenagers who believed that their parents knew about the abuse and did nothing and repeated using the same babysitter, that’s really scary.
There are 2 things I can say: dont do against the Halucha its dangerous, if your child doesn’t want the same babysitter don’t use them, listen to your child. I hope I was helpful -
07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
I’m so sorry to read your terrible experience.
Thanks HaShem that you had support from your mother. I’m very proud of you that you speak up to tell your story and to worn others.
I wish you Bracha V’hatzlacha Bgu”r and I wish that this evil people will get punished.
Besoros Tovos BZH
יהי רצון ויהפכו ימים אלה לששון ולשמחה בעזה״ש
Moshiach Now!!! -
07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Yasher koach for coming forward with your story. Unfortunately there is a tremendous amount of sexual abuse happening in out communities and way too many are disbelieving causing the perpetrators to continue their nefarious ways. I didn’t know what I was witnessing in a chassidishe preschool in the late 70s. Years later when a friend’s son was victimized I was horrified by how the family was treated by the community in order to protect the abuser.
May Hashem bentch you with strength and hatzlacha
Education is the only antidote. Especially rabbis -
07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
I truly feel your pain. It is heartbreaking how often people are left unheard and unsupported, especially when they need help the most. The system has failed too many, and real change will only come when we raise our voices and show those who abuse their power that we will no longer stay silent. It hurts even more to see the same patterns in marriage and divorce, where even respected figures including some Dayanim can make decisions that tear families apart, decisions that seem driven more by ego or money than by care or truth.
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07/31/2025 | ו' אב התשפ"ה
Thank you for sharing your story!!!!
You are right, we have to listen, learn and protect!!Take care
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